If that was your dad, he is hot
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
