tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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