I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
