So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
