I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
