she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
