ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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