Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
