You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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