smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
