did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This is not my ceiling
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
