party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
nutella sex= disaster
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
