ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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