By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
