I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
