I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
