Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
