so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
