apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
