watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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