Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
