So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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