We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
