Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
