Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
