I feel like abortions should bother me more
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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