Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
