i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
