Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
