Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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