wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
