What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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