At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
