You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
