i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize