I just threw up on my dentist
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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