I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
