I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
