i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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