So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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