That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
