my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
