apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
