You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
