Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
