My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
