Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
