onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
