dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We got so high we made milksteak
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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