Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
