I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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