i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
