I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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