morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
