8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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