The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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