ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
