I just saw a hot homeless man
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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