she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize