We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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