Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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