where does the pee come out of this thing
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
