Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
