It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
