Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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