He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
