Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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