Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
