I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
