Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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